Sunday 16th December, it was Londyn’s rugby Christmas party, I was dreading it we had avoided people we know really well and now we were going to be faced with loads of them! Londyn had been looking forward to this week so much, she had so much on and it was all in the lead up to her birthday, she had been more excited about her birthday this year than any other year… Not anymore.
I don’t remember the whole day, pretty much just the bit at the rugby club, we went in and stood at the bar. I made a conscious effort to not make eye contact with anyone. My old manager and now friend was working the bar so I stood slightly away and with my back to the bar, then I heard the words I’d been dreading, “I hear congratulations are in order” my insides flipped, I needed to shut her up before Londyn heard her. I quickly turned, she was smiling so kindly and genuinely pleased for us, I shook my head and my eyes pooled with tears, I lent in “the baby died” I said, “we’re going in to give birth on Wednesday” I could see in her eyes she wanted the floor to open up and swallow her. “I’m so sorry” she said, “how far on are you?” I told her I will be 16+3 when I give birth. She lent across the bar and hugged me and then I went about ordering our drinks as if nothing had happened, Londyn didn’t hear a thing. Another friend came up to me, she was having man trouble so she was telling me all about it, a part of me wanted to scream at her, I don’t care my baby is dead! But the other part of me was glad to feel normal, like the baby was still alive! The girls really enjoyed it, Paisley is such a confidante little girl, she brings Londyn out of her shell I love watching them together, my beautiful girls! They met Santa and he gave them a chocolate selection box each, Paisley was terrified (not so confident now!) But she enjoyed the chocolate so that’s ok!
After the rugby club we went to see Nathan’s dad, he doesn’t know about the baby, he has dementia so mum had to pick the right time to tell him. I explained to Londyn that granddad didn’t know and nanny was going to tell him next week so not to talk about the baby at granddad’s and if granddad talks about it she’s not to worry, we will deal with it. She was fine with that. He didn’t actually mention the baby until we were saying goodbye, he told me to look after myself and the baby and to make sure Nathan looks after us too. I think we went to the stonemasons for dinner after but I can’t really remember.
Once again we got the kids bathed and into bed, I bathed with them, the last time I would bath with all 3 of them! They went to bed and we sat in silence until we fell asleep ourselves with the telly on. I didn’t want to go to sleep, tomorrow was Monday and that’s the day we start the treatment to induce labour. I don’t want to give birth, it’s to soon………..
Nayely Adelpha Foundation 