We started looking through the things in the cabinet to take my mind off the contractions, there was a beautiful memory box with loads of little keepsakes in it and the hospital even gave us a sibling memory box for Londyn. We took the bits we wanted but kept looking just for a distraction.
A few minutes later our midwife came back, she offered us lunch, we accepted though I can’t remember what it was. She said not to panic, that this would go on for hours yet and that I was probably more sensitive to the pain because of the circumstances. I disagreed, I’m very sensitive to medication and I felt I was much closer to giving birth than she thought. I was so scared, the baby is so tiny, what if I go wee and it just falls out??
We hung on in that room until 18:00 when I phoned Londyn. “Is Boris here?” She asked, I explained that it might take a while but I’d call her dad and let him know once he was here. She sounded disappointed, this worried me, how could she be excited when she knows he’s dead? Did she understand that he was dead?? I had a little chat with her about her day and what she had had for dinner, the usual stuff and then she asked if she could come up and see me, this really confused me, did she even realise I was in hospital?? “No baby I’m in hospital trying to have Boris” I said slightly concerned. “Oh I see” she replied “I thought they had sent you home until he comes” she explained and then she went on to ask about Paisley and who was looking after her. After we had finished our conversation I spoke to her dad to get his take on how she was coping, like me he thought it was strange how up beat she was but he said she definitely understands what’s happening and he believed she was up beat because she didn’t think she’d get to meet the baby and now she will. This is exactly what I was thinking but it helped to hear her dad say the same.
After I got off the phone we moved into the other room, the midwife kept offering me pain relief and I kept denying it. Nathan kept checking I was ok and asking if I needed anything, I don’t think he really knew what else to do.
19:00 the midwife came to give me my second quarter, this time she done it vaginally. It really hurt! Well the first quarter had worked so quickly and had had much more of an effect on me than they were expecting, with any luck this one will see the baby into the world.
Time ticked on and the contractions kept coming and I kept refusing pain relief. It hurt as anyone who has been in labour will tell you but it somehow was a manageable pain, I think that’s just a mind over matter thing I really wanted to do this without drugs so my mind just blocked out the pain. At 19:20 I had a massive contraction, it lasted 20 minutes and then, POP, something popped inside of me, the midwife checked and said there was nothing there but I felt it, something popped. And then the contractions started again, long and painful.
“I’m just going to do hand over” the midwife said, buzz if you need anything. This was at 19:50 she no sooner got out of the door and I buzzed her, “my waters have broken” I said. She checked and sure enough they had, she called in the other midwife (the one who was taking over from her) and they changed my pads. “That’s a lot of waters” I said, I could still feel it leaking, “yes you’re losing a bit of blood but it’s ok, it’s no more than we’d expect at this point”
They completed hand over in the corridor outside the room and then the first midwife came to say goodbye. I took a proper look at our new midwife, “how long have you worked here?” I asked, I think she said 8 years at this hospital, “I think I saw you when I was pregnant with Paisley, you told me my cervix was still firm like the end of a nose and it needed to be soft like lips and you gave us essential oils to help me relax” I said. She went and checked my notes, I was right, she’d seen me when I was pregnant with Paisley. Her name is Sue and she got us through the most painful experience of our lives…..
I’m going to leave it here for today, tomorrow will be the actual birth with photos of the baby, I feel I should warn you now so if you don’t want to see them you know to just scroll past the pictures.
Nayely Adelpha Foundation 