Now that Londyn has met the baby it’s time to let the rest of the world know we’d had the baby, I knew we had to do it, but how? How do you tell the world you’ve had your baby at 16+3 born sleeping? I was dreading it but even more I was dreading having to tell people in person so this was the best way to do it, I wrote a post and let social media do the hard work for me! And now we wait for the Chaplin.
I don’t know what time the Chaplin returned but she did and we discussed our wishes, we asked if we’d be able to postpone the funeral until the gender results came back as we’d like to name the baby, she said that they can only hold the baby in the mortuary for a curtain time but she would apply for an extension as we had valid reasons for doing so. We told her that we would like the baby cremated and for the service to be done at the hospital. She said she would be in touch with us after Christmas so we could go and layout exactly what we wanted, songs, poems etc.
Next we had to see the mental health midwife, again I have no clue what time she came. I sat and held Boris for some of the time but this was difficult as I’d not slept for over 30 hours and I’d given birth in that time aswell, they were still giving me oromorph and that made me sleepy but I still couldn’t sleep and I couldn’t hold Boris for long as I was too drowsy.
The MH midwife came, she said that they wanted me to be assessed by the psychiatric team at the hospital due to my mental state but there wouldn’t be anyone in until tomorrow so we’d have to stay another night. Nathan and I discussed this and he said he couldn’t stay another night, especially as Boris wouldn’t be there, he needed to be with Paisley, I couldn’t stay there alone, that would have made me worse! We asked if we could go home and come back first thing in the morning but that wasn’t an option, to be seen by their team I had to be admitted. I couldn’t stay in that room without my baby on my own if I had they would have ended up putting me in a secure unit, I just wouldn’t have coped so I had no choice but to go home without being seen.
I wasn’t ready to go yet though, I wasn’t ready for them to take Boris yet, we sat with him some more. We talked and tried to decide on poems and songs, we had Freya Ridings, lost without you but we needed to choose hyms and possibly another song. We decided we wanted all things bright and beautiful, this had been sung at both of the girls christenings and at our wedding so we think of it as a family hym. That was as far as we got.
It was dark and I was worried that Boris was getting too warm, I’d signed for him to have a post mortem so I wanted him to be in the best possible condition, they’d already told us that the process would be delayed due to it being so close to Christmas, it was going to be the 27th December before they even took the baby to Bristol!
I buzzed for the midwife to come and get him. “He’s ready to go to bed now” I said, she went to check that the mortuary were ready. While she was gone Nathan said goodbye, he said he couldn’t stay and watch them take him so he went into the bathroom and closed the door. I tucked Boris into bed, I took the blanket he’d been in since he was born and wrapped him up in a fresh clean one. I kissed his beautiful face as many times as I could fit in and told him I’d come back and visit soon, that we love him all the 8s and we miss him just as much. Then she came, one last kiss before he went………. I stood and watched as she walked out of the room………. Then Nathan came out of the bathroom and we just stood holding eachother, sobbing our broken hearts out.……..
Nayely Adelpha Foundation 