Apologies for my absence, as promised I am back to continue our story
And so we left the hospital without our baby………
I’m not sure if we spoke on the way to get Paisley, I don’t think we did.
I thought seeing her would help in some way, I was wrong, we were so pleased to see her and hold her and kiss her but my heart sank at the reality of what we had left at the hospital. Paisley looked like Boris once, we didn’t see it because she was safe in my womb but she did look like that once yet Boris will never grow to look anything like Paisley did when we first met her, that destroys me, I want to know him and his personality, I wanted him, I wanted all of my children to be alive and well, I wanted the mad rush of too many children in a 3 bed house, the noise the clutter the love and the laughter, I wanted it all.
We arrived at mum’s and went in for a quick coffee, I don’t remember much, I was so out of it from the oromorph and lack of sleep. Nathan’s brother was there, he’d been helping look after Paisley (I say helping look after her I mean helping her get up to mischief) Paisley was happy to see us and jabbering away about what she’d been up to, I just wanted to hold her and cry but that wouldn’t have been fair on her (also I don’t do public displays of emotion, I’m a very private person) as well as I can remember we had a cuppa and went home and off to bed, I wanted Paisley to sleep in with us, I was so scared that something might happen to her but again it wouldn’t be fair on her so she went to her bed and we went to ours and despite being so knackered we still had to have the telly on to sleep.
And so it began, it’s time to start life without our baby, it feels impossible but tomorrow we have to get up, squash our heartbreak and start getting ready for Londyn’s birthday and Christmas. I honestly don’t know how we’ll do it but we have to for the other children.
Nayely Adelpha Foundation 