Christmas day morning, the girls woke up at 07:30 full of excitement, they dragged their stockings into our room and opened them in bed, then they sat and ate chocolate coins in bed.We headed downstairs to see how good a job santa had done with the decorations, their eyes were flitting everywhere, they were so excited and piled straight into opening presents, in that moment, for just a moment, they joy in seeing them so happy made the pain ease but just for a moment.Nathan put the Christmas dinner on and I helped the girls with their gifts at 13:00 Nathan’s mum, dad and brother arrived we sat down and had lunch, everyone was laughing and chatting, like nothing had happened. Nathan offered me a glass of wine, I shouldn’t be able to have wine, I should still be pregnant, if only I hadn’t complained about being pregnant over Christmas and New year again, maybe things would have been different.After lunch Nathan’s mum gave out presents, the kids were loving the day and I really did enjoy seeing them happy but I couldn’t help feeling empty, we were so excited about this Christmas with me being pregnant and even more excited about next Christmas, our family would have grown and now it’s all gone but life goes on and that hurts!It turned out that I wasn’t alone in struggling with the day, I looked over at Londyn and she was just slumped looking sad, I asked her what was the matter and she burst into tears, “I want Boris back” she sobbed, “I know, me too” I replied. We sat and hugged crying in each others arms in the middle of the floor whilst everything carried on around us. She just kept sobbing, “it hurts, why can babies die, it should be illegal for babies to die”What could I do? My girl was in agony and all I could do was sit and hold her, I have never felt so lost and useless.15:00 came and the family went home and Londyn went to her dad’s, as soon as she left our house I phoned him to let him know she’d had a tough day, he said he’d keep an eye on her and I could call her later.We spent the rest of the evening watching movies, playing with Paisley and eating rubbish food. Paisley was knackered so she went to bed early, I called Londyn and she was much happier now. then we tidied up and went to bed ourselves.It had been a long and painful day but we’d got through it.And now I was really scared, how would we cope now that we didn’t have a birthday and Christmas forcing us to hold it together, it was difficult but it had been a great distraction……
Nayely Adelpha Foundation 