A lot happed in the week following Christmas, on the 27th we got a phonecall to say that Boris had gone to Bristol. I waited anxiously for his safe return so I could go back and see him.
On the 3rd of January we got the call, I booked to go and see him that day, this time we had to see him in the mortuary. The lady on the phone warned me that the baby looked much different than the last time I’d seen him. I knew this would be the case but I needed to see my baby!
We arrived and I got out of the car, Nathan didn’t come in with me. My beautiful baby, I sat and talked again. I told him we’d decided that we would choose a girl’s name and a boy’s name (we’d previously said that if he was a boy he’d be called Boris as this was his bump name) it didn’t feel right to leave him with his bump name, like we were ignoring his birth.
I read a few poems to him, checked over his perfect body to see they had done a good job, I was amazed – I almost couldn’t see where they’d cut him, they really did do the most amazing and respectful work!
I promised I would be back as soon as we had the gender results and apologised again if he was a girl and yet I’d been calling him a boy, I kissed his beautiful cheek and said goodbye. Every time I leave him it hurts a little bit more.
As we drove away from the hospital our baby let us know he was with us, playing on the radio Freya Ridings, Lost without you!
We sat in silence while the song was playing just holding hands but not saying a word. Then Nathan asked how he was, I told him I’d taken photos and he could see them if he wanted but they had done it very respectfully. They had placed 2 teddy’s with the baby, 1 for him and 1 for us. I’d left them both with him so ours would smell as much of him as possible all these little things made a difference.
This drive home was different, we actually talked. We talked about how much better things are than they were 10 years ago and how beautifully they had treated the baby and then we came to a decision, With how amazing the maternity ward and chapel had been we decided that in June to mark the due date we would hold a fundraiser, the main focus was to be head shaves and body waxing, we would call it Go Bald For Baby Loss. We hoped to raise money to donate to Musgrove park maternity unit and chapel and we would also select some local charities who would also receive donations in memory of our beautiful baby. We had one in mind, a charity called little daffodils who had provided Londyn with a sibling memory box.
Nayely Adelpha Foundation 