The night of the 24th we laid in bed making our final decisions on things, starting with the baby’s name. We decided that if it was a boy we would call him Jonah Edelios – Jonah means dove this put us in mind of the dove who bought back a branch and showed Noah that the storm was over and Edelios means he who remains young, as the baby would always be our baby this name also felt right to us. If it was a girl then she would be called Nayely Adelpha – Nayely means I love you, this needs no explanation and Adelpha means beloved sister, again no explanation needed.
The next day we were about to go and book the hall for the baby’s wake when we got a phonecall, it was an Irish man, he asked if he could speak to Mrs Clapp, “yes that’s me!” It was the other Chaplin from the hospital, he was calling to let us know that the gender results were back – the baby is a girl, another beautiful daughter! It hit me like a train – I love being a mum to girls and I’m sure I’d love being a mum to a boy but I know I love my girls! I never thought I’d be lucky enough to have a daughter and now I have 3! I wish she could have stayed, me and my girls, we would have driven Nathan mad! Our beautiful Nayely Adelpha Clapp, she must be so cross with me for calling her a boy for all this time!
We went and booked the hall, one of Nayely’s godmothers owns the pub where the hall is, to tell her the news I asked her to book it as Nayely’s wake and with that I broke into tears, I’d started grieving the loss of the pregnancy then I met the baby and I started grieving the loss of our baby I was grieving the loss of all the dreams we had for the baby and now I faced another wave of grief, the loss of our daughter!
Londyn was at her dad’s that day so he sent her up to see us, we told her the results were back, her face lit up – “the baby’s a girl, Nayely Adelpha Clapp!” She was really happy about it, we’d already explored the names with her before we decided for definite and she really didn’t like the name Jonah so she was very happy to hear it was a girl. I found her reaction rather strange and slightly worrying so I asked her dad to keep an eye on her for me. She was so happy to have another sister it made me question if she understood that Nayely wasn’t coming back, I didn’t know what to think of it all.
I couldn’t cope with ringing round and telling everyone, neither could Nathan so we texted a few and then we done a Facebook post to tell everyone else. I’d already prepared a post for it but the day had been so emotional and exhausting that I completely forgot.
Just when you think you can’t possibly hurt anymore than you already do – you get hit with another wave of grief and it hurts more than ever!
Nayely Adelpha Foundation 