Everyone arrived, there was Auntie Sheila, Laura, Kimberley, Dawn, Anji, Jessica, jack, my Dad, Therena, Nathan’s Mum, Kelvin, Sarah, Charlie and Willow along with Nathan myself and Paisley.
This was it, we were ready to start. I picked up her tiny casket and pressed play on my phone, Eva Cassidy, fields of gold started playing. I stood at the door ready to go into the chapel and I was suddenly hit with this wave of helplessness, I screamed “I can’t do it, I’m not ready, she’s mine!” And I ran back into the room and collapsed in the chair, sobbing and hugging her so tight. “I can’t do it” I said “I don’t want to say goodbye, she’s mine I’m not ready!” Nathan stood behind me with his hand on my shoulder and we both sobbed for a while. Then we composed ourselves and started again.
My heart was racing, my legs felt like jelly, my heart was breaking but we managed it, I didn’t dare look at anyone for fear I would break again I placed her on the table with her flowers and a photo of her and the service began.
The first part of the service was a naming ceremony, Julia was very careful not to use Nayely’s name until Nathan and I had officially named her, and once we had named her the Chaplin explained the names we had chosen and the meanings behind her name.
Then we sang all things bright and beautiful and then it was time for me to read the poems
Angel of our tears, directly followed by, oh precious tiny sweet little one.
I’m not sure if everyone could hear me, I was crying through most of it but I read as loudly as I could. I remember at one point, willow (Charlie’s daughter) came over and just put an arm around my shoulder.
After this Nathan and I read a little piece that the Chaplin had written in for us and then it was the lord’s prayer and a prayer of commendation followed by the committal and final blessing. It had all gone too quickly, as Julia asked us all to take a minute to think about Nayely and all the dreams we lost for her whilst we played a final song we knew this was it, the funeral was over and our little girl would soon be gone forever! I pressed play, Freya Ridings, lost without you, and everyone started getting up to light candles for Nayely. Finally we lit our candles, I kissed her photo, wiped my tears and sat back in my seat until the song finished. At that point we asked people if they would like to join us at the wake then to please make their way over and we would meet them there once we’d seen Nayely off. They all came one by one and hugged us before they left, they kept saying how brave we were and how we’d done her proud and I just kept thinking that if I’d kept her safe in the first place that would have been doing her proud!
This might sound nasty but it’s not meant to be,
So many tears were shed that day, so many people cried for our baby, it was nice to know that even though her life had been stopped in my womb she still impacted on this world, she touched people’s lives and they cried for her! My baby matters and I know she does but it’s nice to have that knowledge backed up sometimes!
Everyone left and we hung back with Nayely, I don’t really know what we done, I think we just sat and held her casket. It wasn’t long before the man with the sports type bag turned up to take her, we took a rose from the flowers the Chaplin had provided and placed it on her casket to go to the crematorium with her, one final goodbye and she was gone, all I could do was keep it in my head that she would be home soon, with her family where she belongs.
I’ll continue with the wake tomorrow, this is far to upsetting to write in one day……
Nayely Adelpha Foundation 