Do you ever wake up and think ‘how am I going to get through today?’
I do.
Today is one of those days.
I woke up this morning. Absolutely no idea how to function.
I managed to get myself dressed. Luckily I had set my clothes out last night before bed. Otherwise I don’t think I would have bothered looking for them.
Then the drive to work. I don’t remember it. I got in the car on the drive and the next thing I know I’m at work. I don’t recall any of the trip. Just autopilot. Because that’s what we do when we can’t cope. We just exist.
So it’s just gone 9am as I write this. I’ve got another 7 hours before I’m heading home.
7 hours of pretending I’m OK. Just being ‘normal’ before I can go home again and see my family. Before I can go home and be me, the broken shell of who I used to be.
The Christmas break from work made me realise just how much I need my family. How much they hold me together. If it wasn’t for them I don’t know what I would do. I sometimes wonder if I would even exist without them. They are what keeps me here. They are the reason I still get up.
It hurts so much that Nayely is not with us, I sit and think about all the things she would be doing now. She should be 6 months old. Instead we have her memory and all the pain.
Love you Nayely Adelpha
Nayely Adelpha Foundation 